Band Geeks
The assisstant director of our marching band fowarded this out to everyone quite a while back. I figured that since I'm stuck for something to write about, I might as well post this.
Hello,
Season 5 of the hit show Beauty and the Geek has begun casting and several members/students of your organization have suggested we contact your department to help us get the word out and reach the best possible people for the show, as traditionally our best cast members have come through referrals.
If you are interested, or anyone you know is interested please contact me for further details. I'd be glad to answer any of your questions, all applicants must be at least 21 years old.
In the past, we have had a Rubik's cube champion a speed chess champion, MIT's Pi recitation champion, a rocket scientist, Professors, and many other highly intelligent, highly skilled men on the show.
We are also looking for someone who is a marching band member for this upcoming season...
We look forward to coming to your school and meeting you and making season 5 the best cast yet!!!!!
I have also attached a flyer, if you could post this in your group that would be great or forward to anyone you think would be an ideal fit for the show.
Remember, last season's winners won $250,000.
Once again, thank you to all of your students who have been emailing us to be a part of the show, and suggesting we get in touch with you. We appreciate the interest!!!!
-- DJ
I'd also like to provide my thoughts about this e-mail.
Credit and Blame
Theres a simple method in how credit and blame is given in a hierarchial system. It goes a little something like this:
Credit travels up, blame travels down. Its like drinking bear from a straw, if you know what i mean...
Quite frankly, I have no idea what I just said, but sounds it should be funny. I heard it in an episode of the old Dilbert TV show.
Historical Building To Be Destroyed
UCLA is the birthplace of the internet. I don't know the exact history behind all of it (hardly any of it, to be exact), but I do know that the internet is generally regarded to have begun at the University of California in Los Angeles.
The exact building where the internet began, is UCLA's Engineering 1, an extremely ugly, dilapidated old building situated behind Ackerman Grand Terminal, and between Ackerman Union and Engineering IV. There are no signs marking this historical building and the great minds that toiled inside of it to give birth to a new world, only a rather dusty and plain sign that reads “Engineering 1.” From the outside, the building appears to be quite unattractive, and from the inside even more so. Half the ceiling panels in the stairwell are missing, the corridors are dirty and crammed with miscellaneous items, including mounds of paper, old CRT monitors, and even huge metal canisters of gas. There are numerous bulletin boards covered in once-bright colors, with a few notices posted on it, some new and some quite old. It is a building that looks to have lived well past its prime, and is now simply a dirty and tired old hulk.
Which is why in a few months, the birthplace of the internet is about to be destroyed.
Maybe Al Gore will come and say good bye....
About Elmer and The Duck
I probably should have written this along time ago, but I've been far too lazy.
I got the idea for the "story" from Terry Pratchett's Soul Music. During the novel, Pratchett mentions that all good books seem to gravitate towards the bathroom, and that these good books are the ones that start with something like "As soon as Elmer saw the duck, he knew it was going to be a bad day..." This is most likely a reference to Loony Tunes.
And thats all I've got.
Elmer and The Duck
As soon as he saw the duck, Elmer knew it was going to be a bad day.
Not that there's anything wrong with ducks. They're perfectly lovely creatures, with a natural grace and elegance unsurpassed by any other creature on earth. And of course, one must never forget, that no other animal on earth could replace a musical instrument in an orchestra with as much ease as a duck. In fact, many have found the sonorous calls of a sick duck to be more pleasing to the ear then that of the world's best oboe player.
Of course, ducks can be vicious creatures, perhaps not as vicious as their near relatives, the geese, but they possess a fury of their own, and are capable of leveling hordes of foes with a single powerful gaze.
But it was not the euphonious quacks that alarmed Elmer, nor was it the creature's bestial grace and beauty. It was not even the untamed fury of the water fowl. It was something else, something much, much greater.
Because this was no ordinary duck, this was a duck of unprecedented power and majesty. Amongst its peers, it was a god amongst insects, looming large against their insignificance. This was a duck that could raze a city with a buffet from its might wings and end the world with a single thought.
It was a fowl with thoughts so foreign to the human mind that even attempting to follow its thoughts would drive any man mad.
It is impossible to describe with simple words the torrent of emotions that flowed through Elmer as his gaze fell upon the beast. To quote Mark Twain, "words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself." But as soon as he saw the duck, Elmer knew suddenly of its great power, and he knew, that it would be a bad day...
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There’s a story behind this story, and I’ll write that one when I get home.
A Conneticut Yankee
"oh, my child, my darling, it will die! It has no home, it has no father, no friend, no mother-"
"It has them all!" said that good priest. "All these will I be to it till I die."
You should have seen her face then! Gratitude? Lord, what do you want with words to express that? Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
From A Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain
I would call that the quote of the day, but no way am I going to pull out a meaningful quote every bloody day.
Dangling Participles…
Just in case it isn't quite evident yet, I'm pretty desperate for some new content here. Thus my retyping of old in-class English essays. I would put more of them up but I seem to have lost a great deal of them.
As I was looking for my other craptastic essays, I found an old assignment on dangling participles. We were given obviously bad sentances and were told to fix them of their danging participles. Apparently all the all example sentances given in the assignment where taken from real sources. Some of them are rather amusing.
A woman who started selling hot dogs clad in a bikini two weeks ago was denied a vendor's license at a Town Council meeting.
A man who videotaped a couple having sex through partially open blinds can get the tape back in 20 days, a judge ruled.
Dear Abby: I was so depressed that I considered suicide on a daily basis.
Okay... so at one point I thought some of them were amusing, now I just think they're stupid. Woo hoo. I think I'll stop typing these up now...
Incidentally, if you actually read this thing, please leave a comment... I feel soooo stupid talking to myself. Yeah for stupid! (EDIT: I checked cpanel, the people that have looked at my site in the past day are, random spammer dude in the Ukraine, me, googlebot, and some other search engine spider. YEAH FOR ME!)
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