failing like never before

College Killed the High School Star

I was fairly smart and successful in high school. Albeit, I wasn't the best in my class, but I was within spitting range. When I was sixteen, I had a really nice internship that payed much more then minimum wage, and when I was seventeen, I had another really nice internship that payed slightly less but offered full medical coverage. I was the president of the Robotics team, vice-president of the Academic Decathlon team, a section leader in the jazz band, and was in so many clubs that I often had to chose between which meeting I would attend.

Now I go to a university that is recognized world wide for its academic excellence, and I'm pretty sure I've gotten dumber. Living up to my blog's name, I'm failing like I never have before.

In high school the lowest grade that I ever received was a B+, but in my past year of college I have managed to get two Cs. My grasp on Ampere's Law is rather tenuous, and my understanding of multivariable vector calculus weaker still. During the school year, I stopped attending church regularly and fell away from God. Unlike in high school, the only group that I'm still active in is marching band. This summer, I was not able to secure a high paying internship so I'll be settling for a minimum wage job and the few bucks I get for managing the marching band website.

Ultimately, the damage to my self-esteem has been quite severe. I once thought that I was intelligent and fairly smart, and from those thoughts I drew courage and self-confidence. Of course, common sense would lead one to assume that I am still smart, and that my not-so-exceptional performance in college is simply a result of me competing against a higher caliber of students, but common sense rarely offers good consolation.

I had an English teacher in middle school who was strict, unforgiving, and a firm believer that coddling a student was as bad as teaching them that the sky is green. He always told us that if our self-esteem was damaged then it was no ones fault but our own, and that he would give compliments only when they were due and not to bolster falling hopes with false praises: he was a very fair and honest man.

I suppose he was one of the reasons that I wanted to go to a large public university that didn't coddle their students and give them special treatment. Because at least now I know that rewards come with hard work, and that I can no longer expect to succeed by simply attending lectures and skimming the book. And then perhaps soon I'll be able to change my blog's title.